New. In a lot of ways, that’s what I’m feeling right now. I needed an anonymous place to write my true feelings–feelings that I’m not too sure I can share with very many people. Not because I feel I’ll be judged or because my friends and family won’t accept what I have to say–but mostly because a lot of the things I’m feeling and thinking are things I should have realized a lot time ago. Most of my anonymity comes from me being ashamed or embarrassed that it’s taken me so long to realize certain things. I’m sure, in due time, I will give this blog address to my family and friends. But for now, I need this to be for me and the select few (if any) I want to share it with.
I need a place where I can come and get out every little morsel of thought in my head without worrying. So, for now, this remains my sanctuary. My place. I want to better myself. I need to better myself. I’ve realized I need to work on myself and I think this is one of the ways I can accomplish that. I keep everything bottled up and that is one of the few things that causes me stress. This will be my outlet. I’m sure there will be plenty (if not all) days where I cannot form one continuous thought. Where I jump from subject to subject, completely confusing anyone but myself. But I’m just going to write. What comes out is what comes out. And you know what? That’s ok…because it will all be me!
So. New. That’s how I’m feeling. I have a lot of new thoughts in my head that I’m going to need to get out in the next few days. I will say this. I am so excited for the future right now. I don’t know why. There is nothing special going on in terms of what others would consider ‘excitable’. There’s no new job, no boyfriend, nothing on the horizon that would cause the normal excitement. But there’s something there. Just over the bend, waiting to be found. And I cannot wait to find it.